No More Cake


Final Thoughts on Jamaica

Filed under: life, travel — Owen @ 4:52 pm

Our friend Eli kept a written log of everything that happened everyday while we were down there. You think you know but you have no idea:

Jamaica ‘08

• Day 1

➢ Arrive late afternoon
➢ Check in, immediately go for swim
➢ Have dinner together on the beach
➢ Hannah trips on stairs to boys’ room, cuts hand on bottle of Red Stripe
➢ Hotel manager incompetent
➢ Hunt down Kevin, he gets real help
➢ Hand taped in back of ambulance
➢ “Mein friend ist sooo drunken he cannot vake up”
➢ On walk to Margaritaville, more blood
➢ Colleen, Sophie, Owen, Eli run ahead to get help
➢ Drink tall drinks at Foam Hook Up Party
➢ Native does body shot off Colleen
➢ Right as Owen and Eli are falling asleep Mark turns on lights to point and laugh

• Day 2

➢ Drunk German guy stumbling around trying to carry drinks to his friend
➢ First sight of field hockey boobs on the little inflatable rafts
➢ Hannah goes for stitches
➢ Sophie, Colleen, Macs, Eli jet ski
➢ Empty happy hour at Risky’s
➢ Colleen and Owen get super baked
➢ Awesome jerk meat dinner
➢ Rum party at Risky’s
➢ Colleen wins lap dance contest
➢ “Get out my face!”
➢ Cage dancing
➢ Late night swim

• Day 3

➢ Rain in the morning
➢ Bigger waves
➢ First trip to Alfred’s dock
➢ Mama Flo’s in the afternoon
➢ Mark and Eli enjoy first magic hour
➢ Sun sets at exact moment girl in thong walks by
➢ During dinner a guy is passed out in a chair at the bar
➢ Jungle Fever party
➢ Chicken on the street at night

• Day 4

➢ Boys enjoy a Hello Kitty reggae wakeup
➢ Owen is called “black boy” by a Jamaican lady
➢ Mark takes an aqua-dookie off Alfred’s dock
➢ Get wasted off green devils in the afternoon
➢ See fake boobs in wet t-shirt contest at Risky’s
➢ Woman tries to charge Macs $4 for a mango
➢ Macs eats shit trying a backflip on the beach
➢ Beenie Man concert at Wavz
➢ Hot Rhianna girl opens
➢ Monster black boobs win wet t-shirt contest
➢ 60 ft water slide
➢ Ally makes out with an NFL player
➢ He sucks her earring off
➢ Macs is extorted by a Jamaican man who claimed to be a cop

• Day 5

➢ “Fruit…Fruit…Fruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuit”
➢ Macs becomes Brad
➢ Rick’s Café
➢ Cliff diving
➢ Colleen and Jess get drinks from a booze cruise
➢ Guys do monster backflips off of a tree platform
➢ Steel drum band break dances
➢ Amazing magic hour back at Merril’s
➢ Macs’ nose leaks hours after cliff jump
➢ Everyone gets drunk at dinner
➢ Macs jimmy-taps Owen
➢ Owen rubs his balls on Macs’ pillow
➢ Owen passes out on Ally’s bed
➢ Owen returns to boys’ room and humps Macs in his sleep

• Day 6

➢ Short morning session on beach
➢ Canopy tour for 6, others chill and drink
➢ Bumpy truck ride to zip lines, too many hands on Eli’s crotch
➢ Eli, Mark, Macs contemplate a scenario of zip lining over burning weed fields
➢ Hannah and Colleen blackout by dinner
➢ “Did you have fun?”
➢ Mardi Gras party at Margaritaville
➢ Colleen becomes Trilla
➢ Good live cover band
➢ Tristing
➢ Empty Jungle after party
➢ Eli declares himself Tarzan, king of the Jungle
➢ Owen attempts backflip, may have been worse than Macs’
➢ Mark, Eli, Colleen, Jess smoke on beach
➢ Magic hour version 2.0 as sun rises
➢ Eli does the worm on the beach

• Day 7

➢ Ally’s birthday
➢ Mark wears pink Massimo’s
➢ “I can see your Peter”
➢ Sophie admired by sketchy guys on the beach
➢ “Bears run the block”
➢ Wolf girl
➢ Boys ride jet skis into sunset
➢ Ally : Rabbit; Colleen : Sea Turtle; Hannah : Wildebeest
➢ Wet Party at Fun Holiday
➢ Only one guy in the pool…of course it’s Vin Diesel
➢ Girl boots in the pool
➢ Owen belly flops in white polyester pants
➢ Late night bon fire on the beach


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